Rolando A Hyman, M.A. CCC. (Psychotherapist)
The community that we live in today promotes a prehistoric model of masculinity that is underlined with a theme that fixates on the following traits: Do not speak about emotions, do not cry, never ask for help from anyone because it suggest weakness, your place is to go out work hard and make money to take care of the family, do not worry about domesticated matters that's a "woman's job," your manhood is measured by how well you can drink your alcohol, and if you are not muscular to the core like the rock or have a certain height you are not a man. So many communities both rural and urban are strong believers in this psychologically damaging mentality that is continues to be one of the major reasons why there are so many homes that are missing good role models. The homes are missing fathers (men who understand that they are more than just providers),but they have a lot of men, the homes are missing those with common sense (because a lifestyle of alcohol and drugs is preferred when compared to spending quality time with their children), the homes have a lot of male presence but none who is engaged in making healthy masculinity a priority. Our community and homes are missing men who are balanced in and live a holistic lifestyle that promotes balance in his spiritual, emotional, social, and physical health. During this global pandemic a healthy masculine will learn that there is a huge difference between resilience and mental toughness. Resiliency is said to be recovering from an event while mental toughness is thriving through as was said in my podcast dated January 31-2021 by Floyd Spence D. Min. It is important for us to recognize that to be a healthy masculine we must be making intentional attempts everyday to ignite more passion to break away from the historical chains of cultural emotional baggage that deceived us into the twilight zone of falsehood and a stagnant mindset. Healthy masculinity is learning the art of admitting weakness, asking for help, working on daily self improvement, having a healthy daily routine, resisting the temptations to self harm with drugs, alcohol, porn and illicit lifestyle choices. It is not being afraid to learn domesticated skills like how to do laundry and prepare a healthy meal for your family, making time to exercise and connecting with a higher power, God, spirituality, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, the creator to engage in regular practices for grounding. Healthy masculinity is being open and honest about emotions and how we must understand the values of being human. In my first book Giving myself permission to grow: seven solutions for personal development I discovered the emotional intelligence. This term is a challenge to us to ask the question "could it be that all the things I have learned are flawed?" The real picture of healthy masculinity is to keep asking the question if this is the ideal and if there is more room for improvement? It is the responsibility of everyman in every relationship to enter into a phase of curious scrutiny of himself to identify the hidden flaws and keep working on self improvement in order to get to the pinnacle of healthy masculinity. So what am I saying are we going to become perfect? by no means because we all have more to learn as the greatest room is the room for improvement. The thing that we should not do is to fall into this self deceptive idea that we are so perfect that there is nothing left to learn or we are so set in our ways that its too late to change. There is a need for more awareness responsibility and committed effort from all of us as men to be better not just in our carriers but in our homes and communities to restore the true meaning of a man who understands how to display the character traits of healthy masculinity. If we are not sure what it is or how to do it lets start asking questions and connecting with the right kind of mentorship to make it happen. Willingness to do this will change the landscape of our family life and the future.